Chapter 9: Resilience
Your Plan isn't always THE PLAN.
Sunday: 9.17.2023 (Day 57 of 112): Easy Run / Long Run
Being a long distance runner is not easy. Planning a 16-mile run in an unfamiliar city is even more difficult. It’s not like I can just walk out of the hotel and run down the street and get my workout in. However it would be convenient if I was only training for a 5K. But here I am, training for 26.2 miles and it takes more time, more miles.
I plotted a 16-mile run on Strava and it looked pretty good. It consisted of roughly 9-miles through the city of Manhattan and Kansas State University followed by another 7-miles on the river trail back to the hotel. Using my watch and phone, navigating this cross-city route seemed possible and overall a good run.
Since the weather was going to stay cooler into the morning I decided to start this run at 6:30am instead of earlier. This gave me an additional hour of sleep and time to get everything ready for the run.
I started my run from the hotel and into the downtown area. On this early Sunday morning the roads were empty, allowing me the rare opportunity to run down the middle of an otherwise busy street. It’s one of those surreal opportunities that early morning runners get.
At 3 miles in I was feeling good. I like these long, easy runs and the ability to stop and take a few pictures. I don’t feel bad if my pace is thrown off. It’s a long run and stopping for 20 seconds to take a picture isn’t going to disrupt the gains to fitness that I’m seeking. Enjoying the run and enjoying the experience of long run is worth it.
From downtown I traversed through a local park and up into the Kansas State University (K-State) Campus. The campus was quiet and most students must have been still asleep and obviously the professors aren’t working on a Sunday morning.
I stopped by a few War Memorials for World War I, World War II and the Vietnam War. Sometimes I wonder if there will be a GWOT memorial at places like this, but I doubt it. I continue on my run up what is probably the only hill in the region and when I hit the high ground I get to run past the K-State Football Stadium. It’s amazing to me the amount of money put into college football. It’s something I don’t think I’ll ever fully grasp having never gone to a formal college.
The run is feeling easy and my legs feel strong. My heart rate is staying below 130 and I don’t feel like I’m exerting much energy. I couldn’t easily run the Marathon at this pace as I feel I could simply keep going if I had enough water and food.
The miles tick away, the songs become a blur and the repetitive beat of my feet put me into a trance. I finally arrive to the river trail entrance, only to find it’s closed!! I stopped for about 5 minutes to pull up Google Maps and start to plot my last 5+ miles back to the hotel.
I love technology and having a satellite image map at my fingertips. What a time to be alive!
After plotting a route and memorizing the street names for my turns I take off to finish out this run. When I started this run it was 48F outside, I almost felt chilly but it was almost perfect running conditions. Humidity was high, but with such low temps I didn’t care. With a few miles left, I still had some water left, ate all my nutrition and was feeling good for the last push to the hotel.
In my last few miles, the sun up, well above the horizon and people are out walking, attending church and driving the roads. It’s a much different scene than when I first started this run. I got some strange looks from church goers who probably weren’t used to seeing a runner like me, in a running vest, looked like I jumped in a pool and shuffling along. They were nice enough and I kept on.
I was thankful to have not run into any dogs, wild animals, drug-induced human zombies or homeless on this run. Early Sunday Mornings are a good time to get out there and run in the city. Everyone is asleep and those that are up and heading to church or breakfast and neither really care about a runner.
Turn by turn, mile by mile this run was completed with ease. I’m feeling ready for a Marathon and I’m still 8 weeks out!
16.0 Miles | Avg Pace: 10’50” | Avg HR: 128 | Best Mile: 9’52” | Feeling: Ready
Monday: 9.18.2023 (Day 58 of 112): Into the psyche.
I’m tired and relying on discipline and a trust in my body and my coaches plan.
You’re obsessed!
That was my wife’s response when I texted her at 6:51pm telling her I was back at a local park getting in another 6-miles after a full day of work. I think I’m a man possessed. The Marathon is not just a test of running 26.2 miles in one race, it is a testament, a statement, a reflection of days, weeks and months of preparation and training. I showed up. I put in the miles and in that time my mind started within.
It’s 10:20pm and I finally sat down behind the computer to get captured what really happened today. I’m currently on a job site, living out of a hotel and running in an unfamiliar town, on unknown roads. It’s mentally taxing and emotionally I miss my family, and my daughter who has moved out and I haven’t seen her in almost a month and it’ll be another 100 days before I see her again.
My friend posted a motivational picture about Perseverance on social media and it got me thinking.
After some deep thinking on this word, it’s meaning and it’s impact on my life and more specifically this marathon buildup I came to the conclusion that:
Perseverance is prevalent when you have conviction of faith in your cause.
When you have conviction of faith in your cause, perseverance is the emotional fortitude that facilitates the ability to have discipline. When you incorporate discipline into your life, weave it into your daily actions, rely upon it when motivation is gone and everything seems cumbersome and overbearing, your actions will propel you towards the end state you desire. JUST KEEP GOING.
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER GIVE UP! ~Winston Churchill
I spent my youth at war. No, not in a figurative way. Literally. I trained for war from the ages of 18-22. I was part of the invasion of Iraq at the age of 22. Then the Army thought it best to send me back for my 23rd Birthday for another tour. After a trip in Korea, I went back to Iraq at the age of 27 and came back at just before my 29th birthday. Without detail, there were 3 instances, one on each of those rotations where I honestly thought, in my soul that I would not make it home alive. Death was imminent. Yet it wasn’t my time. God had more plans for me and checking out early wasn’t an option.
NEVER FUCKING QUIT. (NFQ)
By the grace of God, He let me survive war without ever receiving an enemy sharpshooter badge. (Purple Heart). I have a fully functioning body, my mind is right, or so I think and I’m emotionally resilient, I think.
Yes, I’ve got PTSD. A small price to pay personally for serving my country. Combat is long bouts of boredom with moments of extreme terror and that terror is not natural and it leaves a mark. While I feel that I can function just fine in this world, I know it’s in no small part due to my wife adjusting to my condition. Or as I say, “She’s been conditioned to my condition”. 20 yrs of marriage, she’s never quit. NFQ. We have marriage perseverance.
Ok Ok, so what’s this got to do with running?
I run because I must have perseverance to get through life. I have faith in God, in my marriage and faith that my actions will have a positive impact on peoples lives. I have a deep seeded belief that physical activity, in this case running, keeps me alive. Yes, physically I’m better for it, as you’ve read about my A1C, Heart Rate and weight. But physical activity keeps me out of those dark places and pits I’ve seen my friends fall into. Rugby saved my life for years, before that it was Baseball and before that it was Wrestling. Today and for the foreseeable future, it is and will remain RUNNING.
These deep quagmires of despair with feelings of hopelessness and loss are sticky and heavy, pulling you down and making life unbearable. These feelings manifest as physical pain and many attempt to dull that pain with alcohol and drugs and sometimes seek the permanence of suicide. Compound all of that with physical impairments of disfigured bodies, broken bones and loss of function and it can feel overbearing and impossible to see the light.
Perseverance to KEEP GOING.
Tonight was simple. It was discipline. It was 6-miles completed on a 1.6mi loop around a local park where little ones were playing soccer, flag football and baseball. Adults were playing softball and America looked like a peaceful scene out of a movie as I made my laps. Then I had thoughts about a time in Ramadi, Iraq where we set up a Fire Base on a well established Futball Pitch (Soccer Field), and the sport that brought a community together was halted for war.
KEEP GOING! I get a quick glimpse of the treacherous fall into the dark pit of solitude and despair. But I choose not to let my mind wonder that way. I make the choice, with discipline to avoid that madness. To keep running.
Life is good. American’s are good. Kids are playing in a safe park and I’m running on my own free will, with a capable body. Nobody is making me run, nobody is telling me to stop. I have freedom to do what I want and I choose to NFQ. Perseverance prevails and produces positive outcomes.
Like tonight. Working for 10+hrs, ran 16-miles yesterday, my legs are tired, my mind is tired, I miss my wife and kids and I had to Google Map a new park to run because I already ran most of the city yesterday. When things appear difficult, or perspective shifts, it’s discipline that will get you through.
JUST KEEP GOING.
6.27 Miles | Avg Pace: 10’20” | Avg HR: 134 | Best Mile: 9’38” | Feeling: Persistent
Tuesday: 9.19.2023 (Day 59 of 112):
Woah, Monday night took a dive into the inner workings of my thoughts and psyche. Hopefully that didn’t scare you off, but you should know that this blog is my collection of thoughts, experiences and insights into the physical, mental and emotional aspects of training for The Marathon.
Training for The Marathon for most people is a lifestyle altering endeavor. It’s something that gets under your skin and sinks it’s teeth into you. It’s a commitment to yourself, an agreement made in the soul that that some may never understand.
While I think that nothing on social media is by happenstance or coincidence, I am seeing more posts about how there is a connection between people who choose endurance events and trauma. I haven’t done any research into this, but my guttural instinct is that there is some truth to it. I’ll go head-first into that another time.
As far as tonight’s run, my legs are tired and I have a “quality” run that has me going for 800m efforts in 3:50 or approx. a 7’40” pace. I know this is more than possible on fresh legs, but I was looking forward to this challenge on tired legs. What am I capable of?
What was supposed to happen:
2 mile warm up
5x 800m in 3:50 (7’43” pace) + 3 min recovery
1.5 mile cool down.
What really happened:
I went to a different local park and this had a 1.3 mile dirt loop around the perimeter. Not the greatest running surface but was good enough for what I needed to do. I got to the park a little later than expected and the sun was going down. I didn’t know what to expect in this part of town, so I was hesitant to stay too long after dark as there were no park lights or street lights.
2 mile Warm Up: 20:42 (10’21” avg pace)
800m: 3:52 (+2s) : BUSTED TIME.
800m: 3:43 (-7s)
800m: 3:48 (-2s)
800m: 3:55 (+5s) BUSTED TIME
800m: 3:55 (+5s) BUSTED TIME
I scratched the cool down as it got too dark and decided to make up for it later in the week.
This run was physically challenging, my legs seemed to not want to go any faster! I put in as good as an effort as possible for the 800m and was pleased with my work, however not pleased with the outcome. The entire time I was running, all I could think about was the Sub 40min: 5-miler with the club. I MUST get it accomplished.
Tonight I showed up. Did the work and Discipline won the day.
On another note, HUNGER is setting in. I felt fucking famished all day long, but one look down at my stomach and I knew there was some calories in there to keep me alive. I simply WANTED to eat, I didn’t need to eat. I kept my eating clean and at a minimum so I’m hoping for another weight loss this week. I won’t know until next Monday after I get home. So bear with me.
5.29 Miles | Avg Pace: 10’24” | Avg HR: 131 | Best Lap: 7’29” | Feeling: Consistent
Wednesday: 9.20.2023 (Day 60 of 112): Top of the World.
As you may well know, if it’s Wednesday I’m doing a 5K. But not today, today is the exception. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t run on a Wednesday. I wanted to get out there and run, but my legs needed the rest.
Instead of getting in a run, I decided to head to the “Top of the World”.
In Kansas, that means an 85ft climb! It took me about 15min. Kansas is flat.
I got there roughly 20 minutes before sunset and enjoyed a short hike up to the top and got to witness a great sunset across the plains of Kansas. It was about 78F and felt incredible with a slight breeze blowing across the field, sweetening my nose with the natural perfume from the wild flowers.
What’s the science behind it? I’m not sure, but the facts are evident that getting outside and experiencing the natural world has real impacts on your mind, emotions and body. Observing nature has the ability to make you humble, ignite thought and conduct introspection resulting in a better understanding of self and possible breakthroughs in problem solving and comprehending complex issues that may be in your life.
It’s worked for me, time and time again. I’d imagine it’d work for you too.
1.43 Miles | Avg Pace: Who cares. | Avg HR: 90 | Best Lap: Sunset | Feeling: Fortunate
Thursday: 9.21.2023 (Day 61 of 112): A Day of Disaster!
I was up early and ready to go! After the short hike to the top of the world and an incredible sunset, I felt ready to tackle this 8-mile run before work. It was decently cool outside, my gear was ready, chestlight charged and headphones ready to go.
The streets were empty and the path was clear.
1.5mi Warmup
2x 2.5mi at 8’20” pace + 1 mile recovery jog.
1.5mi Cooldown
I felt ready to go for 8-miles!
Things were good for the warmup, then it went to shit.
Literally, mother natured dialed me up and made it clear that I had to find a restroom with promptness! Lucky for me, I was next to a public park that I previously scouted out, locating some public restrooms that were open and available earlier in the week. Without haste, I make my way to the public restrooms.
The Land of the Walking Dead! Fucking zombies are blocking my way to the bathroom.
Zombies! Yes, zombies. I see them in every city I run in and they are always out and moving just before sunrise. These are the drug induced homeless that wander around the city yelling at ghosts, scratching themselves raw and pulling their hair out. They are missing teeth, eating out of the trash and irrational and unpredictable in their actions.
RULE 1 of Zombieland: Cardio!
I almost always use Rule 1 to avoid interactions with these drug induced zombies walking the streets, but in this case there are two of them, standing on wobbly knees, swaying like the wind is about to knock them over while staring at the bathroom door. After observing them for a minute and observing their several attempts, they figured out how to pull on the door handle and open the door. Bastards occupied both bathrooms available!
I guess I’m just happy they are using the bathroom. I’ve been on other runs where they just piss and shit on the sidewalk. But hey, at least the toilet was open for the rest of us.
Well, the situation got complicated and more urgent and I was roughly 1.25mi from the hotel. A decision had to be made, one where I MUST make it back to the hotel. So off I go!!
Without further detail, let’s just say I made it. Barely! Like Indiana Jones making that last minute save! I rolled in at 100mph and made it!
Run’s over in dramatic fashion. 3.0 miles on the money and I’m done. Good thing I have my Start/Finish hidden on Strava or else you’d see a path straight to the toilet. Fuck it. I’ll get in the other 5-miles this evening.
8 HOURS LATER…..
My phone is blaring at me, alerting me to SEVERE WEATHER!
Thunder is rattling my hotel glass and lightning is flashing. Looks like this evening run outside at the park is over. I glance over at my laundry basket, yeah I need to do laundry, and there’s 2 treadmills in the same room. Fuck it, I’ll get 5 miles in on the treadmill.
Laundry is started, so I get on the treadmill.
Treadmill #1 is fucking broken. Damn thing makes a massive squeaking sound at every step! That’s cool going over to Treadmill #2.
4ft over, I get on Treadmill #2, start my watch for an indoor run and get started.
Approximately 10 steps in I realize the belt on this one is jacked up and unusable!!!
Today’s a wash. No more running is happening today. I’ll get in the miles later this week!
3.03 Miles | Avg Pace: 10’24” | Avg HR: 125 | Best Lap: 10’00” | Feeling: In a hurry!
Friday: 9.22.2023 (Day 62 of 112): Rain Delay
SLEEP. It’s an essential activity, nay element for recovery, reducing stress and letting the body heal and grow. I must have been tired because I slept for almost almost 8 hours before my alarm went off.
5am arrived a little earlier than expected, which is odd because time arrives precisely when it’s supposed to. Only my perception of it feels like it is earlier than it is, regardless the alarm goes off and I’m mentally prepared to do my 5-mile run through town.
BOOM!!!
THUNDER again! I look out the window and it’s raining hard with lightning overhead. Yeah, I’m not running in that. It already makes me upset because I couldn’t run last night and now I can’t run again in the morning.
BE RESILIENT! Be flexibly and have the ability to adapt. Marathon training requires it. You may have a plan for your Marathon, but so does God and so does mother nature. All of those might not align as expected.
Alright. A cup of coffee it is and some patience to run this evening.
12 HOURS LATER…..
I’ve got an Easy Run today consisting of 5-miles at a pace of 10’18”-11’18”. This ought to be easy enough, I feel rested, slightly dehydrated but ready to go.
I’m back at Frank Anneberg Park with it’s 1.6 mile perimeter trail and ready to go. I’ve got my music going, running belt with water and I feel good. This is a decent running trail that is a mix of compact dirt path and paved sidewalk. It skirts the perimeter of the park giving sweeping views of the soccer fields and softball fields. The trail meanders into the tree line and gives the feeling of a wooded trail run for brief moments that feel great.
I pass a few runners on the course and exchange a quick hand gesture identifying that I’m not a threat and to have a great run. It’s good to see other runners on the trail.
This is is supposed to be an “easy run” and I remember Coach Brown telling me that an easy run is more about feel than it is ensuring I hit those pace times. With that statement in my head I decide to ignore my vibrating watch, warning me that my speed is too fast and just go with what’s easy.
Mile 1: 9’54
Mile 2: 9’33”
Mile 3: 9’41”
Mile 4: 10’18” (walked to take a picture, drink some water and check texts)
Mile 5: 8’30”
This run really felt TOO EASY on the first 4-miles so I decided to push just a little bit more while ensuring it still felt “easy”. I was pleased to see that running an 8’30” mile felt natural and without much effort. It really was “easy”.
This gives me hope that for the Tuna 200 race in October, I may be able to hit the 7’s on a few of those miles!! Keep reading to find out!
5.00 Miles | Avg Pace: 9’35” | Avg HR: 138 | Best Mile: 8’30” | Feeling: Confident.
Saturday: 9.23.2023 (Day 63 of 112): Impromptu Quality Run
My weekend long run was messed up this week due to working Saturday and traveling on Sunday. The theme this week, be resilient. I’ve shifted my long run to Monday morning which will be 17-miles at an easy pace and I’m looking forward to that long run to kick off a new week.
We wrapped up work and I found an open river trail that was about 30 minutes from the hotel. The trail had plenty of distance to allow the 6-mile run I wanted to get done. I attempted an almost identical run 5 weeks ago while I was in Utah and I couldn’t meet the time standards. It was a massive disappointment on National Airborne Day when I attempted to meet the Airborne Standard of 4-miles in 36min or less and failed.
So, for tonight’s run I decided to do the following Quality Run:
1-mile Warmup
4-miles at 8’59” or faster (Sub 36minutes)
1-mile Cooldown
The trail was located just outside of Fort Riley, KS and seemed to be a pretty secure place and the trail was well groomed and 90% in the shade. The warmup mile felt good, my legs felt light and the joints were moving smooth.
During the first mile I was worried about stepping on a Copperhead snake, that has the perfect camouflage to hide among the fallen leaves and shadows on the trail. Here I was running, worried about snakes when I come across this sign.
After stopping to take a picture of this rather unique warning, something you’d never see around my hometown I took off for the 4-miles in under 36min.
The miles ticked by and I felt great! The temperatures were warm at 84F but with mild humidity it honestly wasn’t too bad. The route was basically flat, empty and running at pace felt good!
At mile 3 I had to use the restroom and while walking off trail I find this little guy.
After snapping a quick photo and making note of it’s exact location I decided to hit the trail and get back on pace!
Again, the miles ticked by and I remember looking at my watch and thinking “Damn, the distance keeps ticking down faster and faster”. It felt good to be out of that 10’00” pace and pushing hard.
So what really happened!
1-mile warmup: 10’15”
4 Miles under 36min: Mile 1: 8’41” | Mile 2: 8’37” | Mile 3: 8’14” | Mile 4: 8’19”
1-mile Cooldown: 10’52”
It felt good to be out on a shaded trail and getting in a good run. This run still felt easy and even the 8’14” mile didn’t seem too taxing on the body. I wasn’t even wheezing which is what happens when I’m really pushing hard.
This run felt great and left me feeling accomplished and ready to tackle the long run after a Sunday of resting and traveling.
6.00 Miles | Avg Pace: 9’10” | Avg HR: 144 | Best Mile: 8’04” | Feeling: Accomplished.
Great job my friend and grateful for your insight!! You're going to kick ass!!