Chapter 10: The Unexpected
Love wholly, without restraint, for life is short and fragile.
My wife is more than just my bride, she is my best friend and so much more. When we married almost 20 years ago, I married into a rather large family of Cuban-Americans with multitudes of cousins, aunts, uncles and siblings. I married a woman who deeply loved her father and had a great relationship with him. I always hoped to have a daughter who treated me as good as Elizabeth treated Frank. Their relationship is something I envied to a point, having never had a relationship with my own father and my step-dad was a part of societies worst humans. To witness her love was something beautiful and it made my heart full to see my bride, my wife, my best friend have such a great relationship with her father.
I knew early on, when the day arrived that Frank would pass on, my best friend would be devastated. Little did I know back then how much Frank would impact my life.
Monday: 9.25.2023 (Day 65 of 112): Easy Run / Long Run
I traveled all day Sunday from Kansas back to North Carolina and I was avoiding drinking too much water to avoid multiple trips to the aircraft lavatory. My weekend long run was disrupted due to working all day Saturday and traveling on Sunday. This placed me in a peculiar position of doing a Long-Run on a Monday morning. It’d be hard to find anyone to run with, however I’m blessed to have a friend like Robert who gladly jumped in for 5-miles at 5:30am before work.
My father-in-law had his 9-hour surgery to remove a cancerous tumor on September 19th and up until Sunday his recovery was going well. Sunday morning he started to show signs of an infection but this was someone expected and could be treated. The updates Monday morning were they were bringing in more doctors to address his recovery but Frank is one tough SOB, so I wasn’t too concerned.
I couldn’t believe Robert was meeting up with me at 5:30am, before work on a Monday morning. I know the guy isn’t an early morning person and he just ran like 16-miles on Sunday morning. I can’t begin to describe the positive effects of having friends like Robert, who show up and help keep you accountable and on track with goals.
We met up downtown and decided on completing a 5-mile route that started/finished at the vehicles before I would carry on with my 17-mile run. The weather was good, cool but still heavy with humidity. It’s The South, what am I going to do?
We started off under headlamps and got in the first 5-miles with ease. It was a conversational pace that Robert kept pushing as the talking got started. It’s a common phenomena with many people I run with. You get them talking and the pace picks up. it may be because talking has increased air intake or maybe it takes the mind off of the monotony of running. Regardless, anytime I get talking with my friends, they pick up the pace.
During the run, I get a few messages from my mother-in-law. I’m not sure if my mother-in-law was being hyperbolic or not fully understanding what the Doctors are saying. It’s sounding like it’s getting a little more serious.
After logging 5-miles with Robert, he takes off for work and I continue on my 12-mile solo journey down to the Greenway. I’d rather run with friends on these long runs, but most people have to get to work on a Monday morning and I have a little bit of open space, so I’m going to get it in. The miles tick away and my pace stays decent throughout. The humidity is getting oppressive and it’s clear I will get through the complete 1.5L of water I’m carrying before the run is over.
I continue on with the run and get up the last hill a little slower then expected but at this point I don’t much care. I just wanted to finish the run and get back to the house.
17.0 Miles | Avg Pace: 11’03” | Avg HR: 131 | Best Mile: 9’58” | Feeling: Dehydrated
As the day is progressing my mother-in-law has messaged me and called me numerous times. Many times she is in tears, hysterical and inconsolable. Frank is going into the Intensive Care Unit time now and I need to pass this information on to my sister-in-law who lives in Australia.
At this point my memory on time is a little blurry. This was induced by talking to the ICU Doctor on the phone to get the real information that’s going on with my father in law. It’s not good. My wife’s presence is required to be at the Hospital as soon as possible. We move our flights from Thursday to the first flight of the day of Tuesday morning.
Tuesday: 9.26.2023. Rest in Peace FNV.
It was unexpected. Even by the surgeons. Frank passed away around 7pm on Tuesday evening and my wife’s world fell apart. My mother-in-law went into shock and even his nurse began to cry.
I’m not going to go into details about what led to this unexpected outcome or the complexities of the impact on our family. It’s absolutely detrimental to all of us.
My Role as a husband, friend, son, brother does not include running.
With my company placing me on bereavement leave for Wednesday, Thursday and Friday I have bigger things in life that require my attention, affection, time and effort than running. My wife needs me, my sister-in-law needs me and my mother-in-law needs me. They need me to stay level headed and provide the support to get through this nightmare. This isn’t something they’ve asked me to do. This is something I willingly do out of love.
It’s a difficult thing to see my best friend in so much pain. My heart aches for my wife and her family. This is certainly one of the hardest day we’ve ever dealt with. A day I’ve been dreading for 20yrs.
Thursday and Friday were busy with family and did not include any running.
I know that three days of no running won’t derail my Marathon plan and my attention and focus is needed elsewhere.
It wasn’t until Friday morning that my mind actually went back to running. We’d be pulling into our driveway around 6:00pm and I was hoping to get in a quick 5K run to get the blood flowing in my legs. I have an 18-miler planned for Saturday morning and would like to shake it out a little before that.
We arrived home on Friday and life got busy again. I had no opportunity to run but I did have time to think about an 18-miler on Saturday after the last 3 days. It just wasn’t going to happen.
The Run Club organized a group long-run for Saturday and while I wasn’t prepared for the 18-miler, I could get in 8-ish.
Saturday: 9.30.2023 (Day 70 of 112): Running is Therapy
It was great to be back on the trail with friends. I decided to get in 8-ish miles in the morning and then spend the rest of the day hydrating and preparing for the 18-miler on Sunday. Of the group there were 3 of us that planned on running up to the local park and then back putting us at 8-ish miles.
This was to be an easy run and it was. We kept it a conversational pace for the entire duration and at no point did I feel like I was pushing myself. I could however feel the remnants of Cuban food still coursing through my body. Needless to say, it’s not conducive to a running lifestyle with a goal of completing a sub 4-hr Marathon.
I met a few new runners and they were great people as most are that show up to run club. I logged my return miles with Chrissy and B.J who did exceptionally well on their last mile or so. Chrissy is prepared for the Chicago Marathon next weekend and from the looks of it, she’s going to do great.
After this run I was feeling better after a hard four days, but the grief comes in waves and ranges from sadness, to anger and beyond. However having a strong body, resilient mind and stable emotional base really helps during the trying times.
8.83 Miles | Avg Pace: 10’13” | Avg HR: 137 | Best Mile: 9’54” | Feeling: Better
Yes. Running is important to me and it is something I enjoy and love doing. I like the friends I’ve made and the results that running has on my body, mind, emotions and spirit. Yet, there are some things, events and moments that require selfless acts, acts of love and duty. This was one of those weeks where running took a second seat and was placed on pause while more important things were taken care of.
Life is short. Life is precious. Love wholly and and freely. Reach out to your loved ones and clearly communicate to them how important they are to you.
Create a Last Will & Testament and just as important, create a Living Will.
Lastly, seek eternal life through Christ and glorify Him in all you do. You will fall short in this task, we all do. Don’t know where to start? It’s easy. Start with the Bible.