Building Strength
and conducting an azimuth check.
Just over 30 days ago the emergency brakes were pulled, bringing my running to an amazingly quick sudden stop! At first I felt like this was going to break me, the sudden downshift in mileage, the altercation of my daily routine and the thwarting of my future goals and plans was a shock to the system. At first it was disorienting, but I’m finding my feet, conducting an azimuth check and refocusing on the direction I want my life to take.
Not everyday is sunny and 70! Those days are incredible and life is good. I do my best to soak it up, take an account of my blessings and live in the moment with appreciation and gratitude. I’ve been incredibly blessed in this life to have many days with the sun on my face and I look forward to a few more decades of great experiences.
Yet, just as the flower, wheat and corn need the sun, they also need the rain. With the rain comes growth. The human experience is the same as we are a part of nature, we are not immune from the laws of nature and the need for struggle, for stress to create growth. To become a better runner you must continually place your body under increased stress, albeit controlled, you must increase your mileage, pace, heart rate, time-on-feet to become a better runner. You must push your mind beyond what is acceptable to achieve the impossible. Through struggle, we build strength and resiliency.
So here I am, getting rained on and navigating the course while trying to keep dry. Luckily I have a rather large umbrella to help me through the drizzle. I have a support structure of people who are genuine and supportive, they provide a wide canopy of cover that I recognize and appreciate.
It all started when I went in for what I expected was exercise-induced Asthma. During that exam my Doctor diagnosed me with exercise-induced Asthma and prescribed me an inhaler in addition to a daily pill. Unfortunately during that exam she also observed an irregular heartbeat! Something rather surprising to me since I’m an avid runner who has experienced no symptoms and the thought of a “bad heart” has never crossed my mind.
That was the first domino to drop. It was a Doctor with a stethoscope listening intently to my chest with a look of concern. That’s how it started…………then things picked up pace.
2x EKG’s
Blood Work
2-week Heart Rate Monitor
Referral to the Cardiology Dept.
1 trip to the ER (mandated by my Dr, not due to symptoms)
2x EKG’s - again.
Blood Work - again.
1 x Cardiac Sonogram
1x Echocardiogram
Another Exam with the Cardiology
Next up is a Cardiac MRI for more examinations of the heart then more follow ups with more cardiac specialists. The waiting game continues. Something is going on with my heart. They have a good understanding of what it is but are still uncertain as to why it’s happening and the level of damage, if any. This could simply be genetic or it could be a self-imposed condition from a lifetime of a poor diet.
On a good note, all indications so far lead them to believe that it is correctable with a myriad of options to include medications, surgery or implantable device. Of course I need to lose weight, specifically bodyfat percentage and lower my cholesterol and blood pressure. Prognosis so far is that I will have a return to running, to include training for and completing future Marathons.
I’d be lying if I said I haven’t ran at all in the last 32 days. I’ve gotten in a few runs here and there and keeping them “non-strenuous” as prescribed by the Cardiologist. That was up until my appointment with them on May 8th! After further discussion with them and more details, I’ve decided not to push my luck any further until more details emerge from testing.
“I’m not going to fucking die on my couch”
You may be wondering, “Why the hell are you running with a known heart issue?”
I’m going to die with my boots on.
It was 21 years ago when that mindset was forged into my being. It was during the invasion of Iraq and my first combat engagement, when reality punched me in the face that there are people out there who want to kill my friends, who want to kill me. I decided then, that should I die, it will be a warriors death.
It’s incredible the things I was contemplating at such a young age. It was my second deployment to Iraq where I accepted that my imminent death was real. I was comfortable with it because I was with my men, and should God call me up, it would happen on the attack.
Those days are over.
I don’t contemplate death on a daily basis anymore. I’m grateful that I had the capacity to grow out of that and find the way to live a life with daily thoughts of living and how to improve the lives of those around me.
Yet. Deep inside, I know. I’m not going to die on my fucking couch.
That’s why I continued to run, despite the possibility of a catastrophic cardiac event.
It’s not fair to my friends, I know. I don’t want them finding me dead on the trail. Should I die, nay, when I die, I hope it’s in the process of saving someone else’s life or helping someone. I’m not going to fucking die on my couch.
Alright, let’s orient ourselves out of that dark cave and back into the light! Life is good and I’m happy to be here! This situation I’m in shall pass and at some point will be nothing more than a bad memory. In all honesty, my life is pretty damn good! So I can’t run for a while, that’s alright. This allows me to focus on other factors of my life that need more attention. Nutrition and Strength Training!
I’ve been given the approval to proceed with strength training, as long as it’s not “high-intensity”. I can live with that, especially since “leg day” leaves me sore and I absolutely despise running on sore legs. This gives me the opportunity to work hard on legs. Combine this strength training with a properly aligned nutrition plan and there is the possibility for an incredible come-back once I’m cleared to run.
I’m going to strive in my pursuit of being an asset to the Run Club and not a liability. Over the last few years, I’ve seen people of all backgrounds join the club and seen them use strength gained from friendship, running and discipline to get through some of the hardest trials of life. I’ve also seen great celebrations for PR’s, Races, Births, Retirements and Birthdays. All in all, the club is a great place and one I hope to continue being an asset given my inability to run for the moment.
This blog was started to share my journey to complete the City of Oaks Marathon back in 2022. It started as an examination and sharing of the mental, physical and emotional elements of training for The Marathon, for The Long Run. It became clear to me that The Long Run isn’t about running, in fact it’s about life. It’s about living life, maximizing potential, becoming resilient and staying flexible. My experiences are not unique and I know many, personally, who are also gaining strength through struggle and I hope you can find some connection with me through my writings.
Until I am back to running, I will continue my pursuit of qualifying for Boston by changing my body composition, building strength and preparing for the day that I’m cleared to run. This season of The Long Run will continue to focus on the physical, mental, emotional and social aspects of training and it’s impacts on life.
Never, Never, Never Quit! ~ Winston Churchill